2026 Buys & Sells

As a rule of thumb I think we need to make music videos cool again in 2026. I was recently on a heavy Vanilla Twilight by Owl City kick so naturally I was checking out the music video. I cannot tell you how flabbergasted I was when Shaquille O'Neal appeared out of nowhere. It made my whole year honestly. Random celebrity pairings are just so funny to me. Please watch these:

• Shaq in Vanilla Twilight

• Tom Hanks in I Really Like You

• CGI Rabbit in Accidentally in Love

This may just be a personal gripe but the appification of elementary education is completely out of hand. Every week someone is asking me to link a new learning application to Powerschool Rostering. I have all the data folks and the data says it is time to remove chromebooks from the classroom. In a world that is increasingly isolated due to tech and ai, we need to really prioritize human interaction. Screentime in the classroom is an extreme hinderance to the development of our youth. Ban the chromebook!

I'm begging everyone to just talk to their friends. I promise you that the value-add of asking your friends stupid questions is a thousand fold better than checking in with Chatty G. AI won't tell you that the chairs are slippery at Area Four Pizza in Cambridge but I will! Don't get me wrong AI has some obvious use cases (you can't fight it anymore) but let's not lose the social recipes that make life worth livin'.

There isn't a sandwich that has ever been made worse with the inclusion of an apple or cucumber slice. Both are infinitely better adds than a soggy piece of lettuce. Crisp, refreshing, tasty we HAVE to normalize apps and cukes as normal sandwich toppings.

Quick shout to bananas in your cereal as well. I don't know what it is really when it comes to the milk/banana/residual cereal sugar combo but it may just be my favorite taste on Earth. A regular banana is a potassium-based chore. A cereal banana is treat on par with Lembas Bread (high praise).

I'm 100% certain iPhones haven't needed screen protectors since the iPhone 12 was released in 2020 but you sheep keep buying them. The glass is so durable these days, are you guys just buying them and then throwing them in your box of hammers? All you need is a case for shock absorption and a raised edge to protect against scratches. Give it a try and let me know.

I asked Dr. Ryan Bessette if there was any exercise he absolutely swore by and he told me "Trap Bar Deadlift". He's a doctor so maybe take his advice BUT my advice would be to get in some floor time every now and again. I don't care if it's outside or inside, lying on the ground and doing some funky stretches can be really restorative. Also just a good test of mobility to get up and down off the floor.

Side note—I think everyone should just run some sprints and do some jumping as often as possible. It really scares me that at some point in  most lives those two things just stop happening.

Have you guys seen the trailer for live action Moana? It's a load of CGI garbage. Why do I need to see a CGI chicken when we have real living chickens? Nobody does proper orc makeup these days and that is beyond sickening. 

More claymation and less CGI!

Just trying to get out ahead of this one. Let's just all make sure this is both destigmatized and made more affordable in 2026. A trip to Turkey with a few of the boys may be in the cards.

Terry McAulay, Russell Yurk, Gene Steratore, Dean Blandino, Mike Pereira—enough of these jamokes! I do not need this collection of old, crotchety white dudes chiming in every NFL Sunday to tell me "Yeah Jim, you can see the ball hit the ground, no catch". We have high-defintion slow motion cameras, and no disrespect to my friends in the blind community, my eyes can see the play! I thought society left having an old white guy think they are the highest authority in the room in the 1900s.

*Not financial advice*

Would you like our finest cup of dirt and mud? No thanks! Fruity cocktails are the move in 2026. Can we all please drop the charade? Enough is enough.